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In the fifties the journalists referred to it as “wife-swapping.” Today it’s named “swinging,” but in any case of its name this non-monogamous subculture seems to be growing in recognition among ordinary, middle-aged married couples in the US. The popular media are paying increasing interest to the trend, often putting a optimistic spin on the effects which the lifestyle has upon relationships. The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are structured swing clubs in almost all states as well as Switzerland, England, Germany, and Japan. These clubs are beneficial enterprises which provide all levels of social activities for swingers including vacation plans, special retreat sites for swingers, and yearly gatherings and seminars. Lifestyles, Inc., a swingers tour bureau, booked 700 couples at a resort in Jamaica in February of 1998.
What exactly is swinging? Not like “open marriages” of the 1970’s which promoted non-possessive love and acceptance of unfaithfulness in their spouses, or “polyamory” - the love of numerous sex partners at once – swinging is non-monogamous sexual action, treated much like any other social activity, that can be practiced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one’s marital partner, remains the principal focus. Wife swapping is usually done in the presence of one’s spouse and requires the involvement of both to the practice. Although swingers often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are rules restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. While swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, its supporters claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally. By removing the privacy and dishonesty inherent in one’s natural desires for sexual diversity, the pair can discover their fantasies mutually without cheating or guilt. By removing the need for deceit from the relationship, a fresh level of reliance and honesty about all of one’s feelings is supposedly achieved without the destructive baggage of jealousy.
Swinging as an alternative lifestyle is of both practical and intellectual interest because the effort to mix sexual non-monogamy with emotional monogamy is deeply “deviant” from the western model of romantic love which assumes that sexual and emotional monogamy are reciprocally reinforcing and inseparable. It has yet to be demonstrated empirically whether this alternative lifestyle actually strengthens or weakens marital relationships, but in an era where 38% of husbands and 31% of wives, sometimes so-called hotwives admit to having had at least one extra-marital affair, where divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 60%, and where family insecurity and parental neglect of kids has become a major national worry, any attempt to redefine “love” and strengthen the marital relationship is worthy of our attention. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, extend family ties, and improve the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously.
It is concluded that swingers surveyed are the white, middle-class, middle-aged, church-going section of the residents reported in earlier studies, but when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the general population. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the contentment of their marriages and life satisfaction generally as higher than the non-swinging population.